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I used to be afraid

I used to be the afraid type. I used to be full of anxiety. Sometimes my anxiety got so bad it ceased me from doing activities, even with friends. Now, anxiety is a big part of my disability 22q Deletion syndrome and a lot of people like me deal with it. My anxiety got so bad where I would even throw up. My heart would start racing, I would get shaky, I wouldn’t be able to eat. It was one word: HORRIBLE. I never thought in a million years that I would get up the courage to make a video and publish it on YouTube for the whole world to see. I never thought I could do that. I never thought I would be able to do the plays that I have been in.

I was in 5 plays. First one was Cinderella, second Pinocchio, third Charlotte's Web, fourth Christmas Carol (one of my favorites) and fifth; Snow White (which I got the part of the evil queen). I remember every time I did those plays the mornings of and the day before the play (even of the rehearsals) I would not be able to eat and would get so nervous because I knew I was going to be around a lot of people. But you know because I loved doing it at the time I pushed myself past my fears. The only reason I could do all these things and where I am today is all because of Jesus. I know that God helped me get through every moment of the times I did my plays. It may not seem like such a big deal, but it takes a lot of guts to get on a stage in front of people and act and make sure you don’t mess up and make a fool of yourself. I thank God for helping me push past my comfort zones and getting me to do what I loved to do, despite my anxiety and fear. Sometimes you need to start something even if your hands are shaking, if you feel like you are going to throw up, or if you feel like you're going to faint (but my suggestion is if you feel like you're going to faint, I wouldn’t do it. LOL).

There’s a saying that I want to share “Start now, start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just start" You have to start somewhere right? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. No matter where you are in life it’s not too late to start again. When you are a child of God the most high God will help you get past all your fears. For He did that for me. I still have anxiety sometimes, but it isn’t as bad. There’s a verse that says “Cast all your anxiety on the Lord because He cares” 1 Peter 5:7.

Another example of some of my fears is school. I did a class at Grand Rapids Community college. The first day was awful. The night before class was all I could think about. The day I left I barely ate anything and as I got out of my moms car and walked towards that school my heart really started to pound. I felt like I was going to throw up. My hands were shaking and my feet felt like they were slowing down with each and every step I took. When I got to my classroom I took one glance around and my heart felt like it skipped a beat. But here’s the thing, people don’t know what you are going through, they can’t tell if you are scared out of your mind or if you are about to burst out crying, even if you think they can. Here’s the good thing about having God in your life when you have anxiety. When you feel worried or fearful God’s love is powerful enough to calm you down. So in this life when you stand with God you can walk through every situation with your head held high and go out into the world unafraid. Because you know the one who holds your heart. Because of God I can do what I'm doing today and I thank him for that. When you think about God and have verses like 1 Peter 5:7 just knowing that He cares and is always there walking hand and hand with you should be enough. “So do not fear; for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” Isaiah 41:10

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